Tales of the Parodyverse

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CrazySugarFreakBoy!
Sat Apr 16, 2005 at 10:15:15 pm EDT
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CrazySugarFreakBoy! in “House of Impossibilitium,” Part 1
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Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove woke up just after the crack of noon, which was typical for him on a weekend, but unlike most Saturdays, he felt inexplicably disoriented as soon as he finally opened his eyes.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” his already awake girlfriend teased him affectionately, as she sat on the side of his bed to run her fingertips through his tousled autumn auburn hair, “or should I say, good afternoon.”
“I had a really weird dream,” he chuckled groggily, still experiencing symptoms of fatigue, even after the nearly dozen or so hours he’d slept the night before. “I was Spider-Man, except with an orange-and-green costume, and I was with Mary Jane, except she was played by, like, Sara Rue, instead of Kirsten Dunst.”
“You need the cut back on the sugar-and-caffeine intake,” Isabel Shapiro chided him gently, tapping him softly on the nose for emphasis. “It’s clearly playing hell with your already fucked-up subconscious.”
“I never should have started dating a psych major,” Dream groaned with a rueful smirk, as his faded jade eyes squinted at the TV screen, to figure out what time it was by seeing what shows were on. “Well, if it’s the opening reel of some shitty monster movie, starring Lorenzo Lamas, on the Sci-Fi Channel, it must be, what, half past noon? Which would mean you’ve already been to the homeless shelter once today, yeah?”
Izzy checked the face of the Swatch wristwatch she’d received as a gift from Dream, blinking and shaking her head as the hands on the dial ticked to 12:31 p.m. “I will never get over how you can do that. But, yes, I already did my morning shift. April even stopped by to shoot a photo essay of my volunteer work with some of our more mentally ill cases. You know … April Apple, who just moved here from New York?”
“She’s doing the Groovy Gecko-Gal comics and cartoons for Who Watches the Watchmen? Magazine,” Dream recalled automatically, as he did with all superhero-related subjects, even as he stumbled awkwardly out of bed and took a reflexive swig of the bottle of Rocket Fuel Soda Pop that Izzy handed him. “I didn’t know she did the Peter Parker stuff too, though. So, let me guess. Bernice sent her down there to show the Watchmen’s readers, yet again, that the real heroes in this world are civilians who don’t wear costumes.”
“Speaking of Ms. Editor-in-Chief Teschmacher, I was asked to pass along to you that your article on superheroes acting as representatives of subcultures and counterculture movements is due on Monday morning,” Izzy warned him in a slightly subdued voice. She didn’t add that his undergrad advisor had already called his cell phone and left yet another message about him being long past due to declare a major.
“Yeah, well, maybe I just don’t see much point in finishing it, when I already know she’s either going to reject it outright, or ask me to rewrite it until it’s unrecognizable, and I already know all the reasons why,” Dream groused somewhat irritably. “Bernice’s big brain would probably explode if the Watchmen ever published a piece that was even remotely supportive of any of the roles that superheroes play in society.”
“Okay, this is a conversation you need to be having with her,” Izzy interjected briskly, the barely perceptible hints of impatience in her tone indicating that she’d heard this particular rant one too many times before. “Anyway, I’m sorry, sweetie, but I have to head out the door again. Ever since my heart transplant, my life has been a never-ending festival of follow-up medical check-ups. I guess they just want to make sure that my donor organ is still in full working order, but I miss smoking my clove cigarettes.”
“We can hook back up at Ethan’s apartment later on today, in time for the weekly Dungeons & Dragons campaign,” Dream suggested with a casual smile, kissing her cheek and tugging her to him by the waist for a quick squeeze, before he bit his lip in a moment of distracted uncertainty. “Hey, Izzy? Is there, like, something I’m supposed to do? It’s just, I don’t know, I feel like I’m forgetting something, you know?”
“If even you can’t remember it eventually, Mister Trivia Encyclopedia, then it’s probably not all that important,” Izzy reassured her boyfriend with a shrug of her shoulders, as she exited his dorm room.




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